This may be the truth but of late my outlook on life has not been all that Happy. To be honest I have been far from the mother I would like to be in the past few months and this makes me sad. Circumstances in our family and working lives right now are less than idea and there is not a whole lot that we can do about this in the short term.
As someone whose natural tendency is to awfulise and catastrophise – this combination makes it very difficult for me to see a way out of the bleak reality that is our life right now.
I have just had two weeks off work which has been an absolute blessing and as this break draws to a close I am feeling a much renewed sense of capability and a small element of vision to carry me forward for the next few months. But I have also realised that I need to quiet my overactive, overthinking mind and declutter my life in order to simplify my approach. More than anything, this is about self preservation of Sanity. I can’t make my work go away – I am the only one working right now.
I try very hard to remain positive but to little success.
I need to do something to regain the Happy Mama part of this blog. I look back on photographs from 18 months ago and I see a completely different person. One who had energy and vibrancy, one who cared much more about her appearance and level of self care, one whose eyes sparkled in pictures who was enthusiastic about blogging and sharing her life.
Now all I see is blah, dullness and how everything is just hard – right down to getting out of bed in the morning.
Surely she is still there – I’m just not sure how to find her anymore.